I watched two beautiful women being viciously attacked for ‘coming out’ and declaring that they were virgins on social media this past month. Both posts on Facebook had similar content, women expressing their beliefs about sex before marriage and why they were choosing to wait. The backlash shocked me mostly because both women are from Kwa Zulu Natal, the one province in South Africa that you’d expect to have an expectation of abstinence from its young women.
The women were ridiculed, accused of lying, showing off and advertising themselves. The comments expressed genuine outrage at the two ladies. Even the way they dressed was used as evidence to prove that they were falsely claiming a lifestyle they didn’t live up to.
‘What kind of ‘virgin’ wears a crop top?’ was one of the most popular comments with 33 likes on one of the posts.
Some went as far as questioning their hairstyles because it was claimed that ‘virgins do not wear weaves.’ I assume an afro or braids would have been better suitable or convincing enough? There seems to be a perception about what a virgin should look like. The expectation is that she must clearly not have any sense of personal style. I was also very disappointed to realize that the most brutal of the comments were made by other women.
10 Things I Realized About Public Declarations Of Virginity
- Virginity is still believed to be a prize for men in our society. Many women are still taught that if you lose your virginity before marriage then you are used up goods.
- When some women who don’t abstain, witness a virgin proudly announcing her preferences, it is a re-injury of emotional scars that have been inflicted by invasive teachings of self-hatred for not choosing to wait.
- Many women believe that all men are shallow, that they would prefer a woman only because she’s a virgin. Choosing that one trait above falling in love, a compatible personality or a beautiful heart.
- You can’t be a male virgin unless your ‘tool’ isn’t fully functional. And if you’re a female virgin then it’s clearly because men find you unattractive.
- Waiting for marriage is not an easy concept for non-abstainers to grasp because it seems only a few ever aspire for it.
- Those who’ve never abstained believe nobody else should/can.
- Virginity should be kept a secret, even though sexual promiscuity is celebrated and openly discussed among peers.
- Some non-abstaining women are easily provoked when they are faced with a contradicting truth to theirs, they become defensive and gruesomely unhappy.
- The message is clear, be a virgin just don’t tell us about it. Otherwise that’ll ‘force’ everyone to ridicule you. You’ve apparently asked for it by sharing your personal life on social media.
- Some women would rather not tell their peers that they are virgins from the fear of being raped or being targeted by men when they do speak up.
Cover Photo By: Nhlakanipho Nhlapo
Do you believe we should draw a line with what we share on social media? What have you observed about public declarations of virginity? Have you been a victim of cyber-bullying? What would you add to my list?