She was once a little girl,
before she grew into the woman she’s become.
She’s always longed for him to be in all her childhood memories.
But he chose to be a personal definition of abondonment instead.
He was the first man to have ever been that enveloped, deep inside her heart.
But he didn’t have to be the first to teach her how to bleed from the inside out.
She eventually let go of the father she yearned for him to become.
His rejection, the constant evidence that he was incapable of even staggering into fatherhood.
She finally stitched up all the wounds of an absent father.
He was no superhero, she realized.
Those quiet nights of day dreaming had to be archived.
Surely he would never come for her … of this one thing she was certain.
He’d never be the one buying the shoes she needed for every-new school year.
She soon found out that the man she resembled was only made up of shortcomings.
Not a single one of her heartbreaking letters ever beckoning him to her.
She taught herself to wear folded newspaper at the sole of her shoes,
to help cover up all the holes.
But sadly that didn’t help much on rainy days.
But she’s bigger now.
She understands that there are no excuses that can be made for two decade old absence.
She no longer wondered what her mother had done him wrong.
Besides that only led to everything else she’s done better than him.
All the boys that break her heart, don’t answer to anyone.
Because he was the first to teach her how young hearts break.
She survives without his firm grip, failing to catch her every time she misses a step.
She’s made peace with the missing parts of him in her story.
And when dark nights squeeze her real tight,
her sorrow has to fill the pages of her journals with ink.
Cover Photo By: Lutendo Malatji
What would your lamentations to an absent father be?