For the whole month of February, I will be posting a letter of gratitude to the people who have contributed immensely to the woman I am today. Some letters I’m thinking of sending to those I’ve written about and some I hope are never read. This will be the first time I post daily. So I am really keen on seeing how it will turn out, both for me and for those who follow this blog. I look forward to your thoughts and feedback in the comments section below. The theme for all the letters is that ‘We Are Stories’ and I will be telling mine in #29LettersOfGratitude for a whole month. If you would like to join me (PLEASE DO!!!) remember to link me in your posts.
Your grandmother once told me,
how quiet you were as a child.
I won’t lie,
I also don’t remember you being much of a chatterbox.
I try to squint and read the writing in your journals but it’s been too long.
The damage done in your young years too faint for me, to still recognize through your childish scribbles.
I might not be able to account much for your unexpressed thoughts.
But oh how I carry your courage with me like a diurnal rhythm.
You must know.
It is the same valor of your few words,
that has propelled me radiantly into womanhood.
Dear Little Me,
I have been thinking about you a whole lot lately.
Maybe that is probably why my first letter of gratitude is to you.
I call you ‘WARRIOR’
Even with quiet tears spilling onto my pillow, on dark nights.
I still recall how you once carried the weight of his impulses on your tiny shoulders.
Keeping secrets you shouldn’t have at your tender age.
I think about you often.
Especially when I’m asked about my firsts
Because I still cannot acknowledge him out loud.
I want to whisper into your heart that ‘we’ll be fine’
Even though being held with dirty hands will teach you to misuse your love.
I still get chills about the nudes you sent in 2015!!!
With each day you heal;
You realize the lies he whispered are all filth.
And eventually you’ll learn to stand your own nakedness,
without needing another to acknowledge it.
You’ll teach yourself that there’ll always be more to you,
Than being used for that man’s pleasure.
I will always be thankful for that very first brave ‘NO’ you uttered,
Saving us from a very lustful monster.
It has surely given ingress to my own abilities…
I want to say I appreciate those miniature limbs,
that stood up for me even with a trembling voice.
Sometimes I want to rush back into time,
and hug you after every room he’s ever locked you into.
But who am I kidding?
You are the one who’s always been the fighter between us.
You, the tiny one with astounding strength.
Thank you for being the invisible guardian that has been with me,
even when I seem to forget your super powers.
Because of you I have survived everything that was destined to destroy me.
Soon you’ll be a grown woman.
Judged for resenting every touch that only desires to caress you in the dark.
In your 20’s you’ll look back,
and know his ugly should have turned you into a discourteous being.
But be grateful because you’ve never lost your grace.
Thank you for being there with me,
when no one else knew what was happening to us.
With the 8 year old little girl in me,
I know I’ve never been alone.
Watch me rise little one because with you,
I am always more than a conqueror ❤
Cover Photo By: Lutendo Malatji
Have you ever written your younger self a letter? How was it? Would you ever publish it?