Not so very long ago, Beyonce Knowles dropped a visual album that shook us all to the core, titled Lemonade. For weeks, Lemonade sparked some really interesting debates in the media, especially amongst her fans. There were those who believed it was just a publicity stunt, while some believed she was finally speaking up about Jay Z’s suspected promiscuity.
We all witnessed Beyonce standing on the side unwilling to choose a side while her Bae was being assaulted by her Baby Sister. If the whole thing was a stunt then it’s quite a convincing one, that is being very well executed.
In real life, being cheating on is a quite harsh reality for many women and sadly some have also been the Solange, fighting a battle that isn’t theirs to fight, while the one they were fighting for stood on the fence.
We’ve all done it, had friends or relatives who come to us crying about their bad relationships, recounting disrespectful, embarrassing and demeaning things that have been done or said to them by their partners.
In that moment we want our loved one to set themselves free from that situation. When they cry bitterly, you carry that hurt heavily with them, when they declare that it’s really over this time, you believe them, until they were back with their lover a whole 3 minutes later.
In Lemonade, Beyonce basically says ‘even with all the crap you’ve put me through, I still choose you.’
I’ve witnessed friends rebuild better relationships out of really messy situations, and in all that time, my contribution has been constant support of their admirable efforts. I also have friends who are in relationships that have proven to be quite detrimental to their sanity and dignity, I’ve had to helplessly watch them try to make something out of nothingness.
It is never my place to judge their attempts, my role is only to listen with compassion. In the end, it is never my place to force an opinion. Every time a friend vents, I have to quietly remind myself that she is talking about someone she genuinely loves and cares about.
My role as a friend is never to further rouse more negative emotions, my responsibility is to calm her down, maybe even help her get some clarity from the situation so she can think clearly on what to do next. By doing this, I allow her an opportunity to gather her thoughts. It isn’t my relationship, so I have to give the two people in it space to figure it out.
We owe our friends a listening ear when it’s bliss but more especially when they go through hard times. And to trust them to know what is best for their own relationships without insisting on having our own way.
Photo By: Lonwabo Zimela
Have you ever found yourself as a Beyonce or Solange in these situations? What has proven to be the best way to navigate them?