Not so very long ago, Beyonce Knowles dropped a visual album that shook us all to the core, titled Lemonade. For weeks, Lemonade sparked some really interesting debates in the media, especially amongst her fans. There were those who believed it was just a publicity stunt, while some believed she was finally speaking up about Jay Z’s suspected promiscuity.
Maybe, for any other artist this would be a regular album but there was also the elevator fight video that went viral two years ago between Solange Knowles & Jay Z.
We all witnessed Beyonce standing on the side unwilling to choose a side while her Bae was being assaulted by her Baby Sister. If the whole thing was a stunt then it’s quite a convincing one, that is being very well executed.
In real life, being cheating on is a quite harsh reality for many women and sadly some have also been the Solange, fighting a battle that isn’t theirs to fight, while the one they were fighting for stood on the fence.
We’ve all done it, had friends or relatives who come to us crying about their bad relationships, recounting disrespectful, embarrassing and demeaning things that have been done or said to them by their partners.
In that moment we want our loved one to set themselves free from that situation. When they cry bitterly, you carry that hurt heavily with them, when they declare that it’s really over this time, you believe them, until they were back with their lover a whole 3 minutes later.
In Lemonade, Beyonce basically says ‘even with all the crap you’ve put me through, I still choose you.’
I’ve witnessed friends rebuild better relationships out of really messy situations, and in all that time, my contribution has been constant support of their admirable efforts. I also have friends who are in relationships that have proven to be quite detrimental to their sanity and dignity, I’ve had to helplessly watch them try to make something out of nothingness.
It is never my place to judge their attempts, my role is only to listen with compassion. In the end, it is never my place to force an opinion. Every time a friend vents, I have to quietly remind myself that she is talking about someone she genuinely loves and cares about.
My role as a friend is never to further rouse more negative emotions, my responsibility is to calm her down, maybe even help her get some clarity from the situation so she can think clearly on what to do next. By doing this, I allow her an opportunity to gather her thoughts. It isn’t my relationship, so I have to give the two people in it space to figure it out.
We owe our friends a listening ear when it’s bliss but more especially when they go through hard times. And to trust them to know what is best for their own relationships without insisting on having our own way.
Photo By: Lonwabo Zimela
Have you ever found yourself as a Beyonce or Solange in these situations? What has proven to be the best way to navigate them?
Sinawo Bukani 
It can be a lot irritating when it happens to your family or friend, until it happens to you.
P.s, I love the pictures in your blog. Do u sign up to and pay a subscription for for them? Where can I find a free stock image site that has ‘Africa’ written all over it? I hope you won’t mind me asking…:)
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I also think we tend to be easily irritable and impatient until we go through the same troubles.
Thank You Siphosethu ❤
I work with photographers at work so I have an unlimited access to their photographs. But recently I've been using one of my most favorite photographer's pictures. His name Lonwabo Zimela. I approached him because I love his work and thought they would really compliment my blog posts. So I'm always on the look out for black photographer's who take pictures of black people because I think we don't have enough of that on our blogs.
It's quite a process though even when you find someone's blog with ictures you love, you must get permission for every picture you get.
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Thanx hey, keep up the beautiful work…
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❤
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Great advice.
I am going to proceed and apply it
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❤
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I wholly agree with the last statement. I believe it’s hard enough on the person going through the most, without them feeling like you’re also judging them.
I would like to present the other side of the coin, the pain that you, as the outsider, go through, watching someone you love going through the most and feeling helpless. Ultimately, it is not my place, but this is someone whose well-being and happiness matters to me. Where do I draw the line between being a listening ear, and taking care of my mental and emotional health as well, because what they are going through also affects me in some way. It’s a painful position, where you wanna tell them, I don’t wanna hear about it anymore if you’re not gonna do anything to change it, and also understanding that they trusted you enough to share their most vulnerable parts with you, and deserting them would mean they will have no one.
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I think sometimes it’s really how we do it, we bombard them with our opinions while they themselves are still in quite a frustrated and emotional state. When they come to us, what we should offer is compassion and empathy first. I’ve seen that this method works so much better than immediately badgering them with my frustration at how they refuse to do what I think is best for them.
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True, the most important thing is to never make them feel like they cannot come to you when they need you.
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I also think it’s crucial to distance yourself a little bit. It’s hard but I think it’s most beneficial.
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