I backslid into your wall again,
Mostly because you’ve always been an easy weakness.
I discovered that you are still loved,
Even though I can no longer remember how.
I’m told there’s a heart that smiles when you walk into a room.
You still insist on burying all our best memories under every version of me you can find.
Does she know that I’m the only human regret you preach as a testimony?
Love should really stop rhyming with heartache.
I’ve run out of ways of trying to heal what you broke.
There can never be any duplicates of you.
I’m allowed only one first true love.
Today the wall posts insists you are not the man I struggled to forgive.
Your people know your abundance when I am still grieving your abandonment.
They celebrate your holiness when I still cringe from your lust.
I want to join the choir,
But I’ve become a stranger to all the ways of knowing you.
I could never say ‘I Love You’ again
Without the words looking me in the eye and calling me out on my lie.
Who needs the hopeless pits of hell for unrepented sin when you have me as an old love?
I must stop this.
On this day, I must only remember the good.
First I need to know.
Do you only remember me as a mistake of your youth?
Do you know I’ve loved you longer than we’ve been together?
Do you still tell hearts you’ve shattered to nurse themselves back to health with a prayer?
Do you still hide that virgin body behind an armor of broken promises?
Do you still read these blog posts and know that they’re always about you?
Photo By: Lonwabo Zimela