We Are Becoming The Men We Wanted To Marry!

Sinawo Bukani, Lonwabo Zimela, LZ Photography, Tumblr Male Bloggers, WordPress Female Bloggers, African Black Male Photographers, South African Black Male Photographers, Female Bloggers,

Earlier today, my phone reminded me that a boy I went to Sunday School with is celebrating his birthday.

All thanks to an annoying feature that synchronises my phone with my Facebook calendar, which constantly bombards me with at least fifteen notifications of people’s birth dates every single day.

The minute his name flashed as a pop up reminder on my screen, memories of our childhood instantly flooded my mind.

He’s probably the only boy, I’ve ever fantasized about marrying.

I don’t really remember him being anything special but because I was already well versed of my place in society as a christian girl, I dutifully allocated my future self under his ‘leadership’ believing that to be worth anything, I had to give ownership of myself over to a man.

His family relocated and I soon forgot about my little aspirations of being his future wife, even though the gruesome & relentless grooming continued on all sides, both in church and at home.

I grew older and quickly realized that every thing we are taught about ourselves is a lie we have to prove wrong.

One day on a walk back from church with a close friend, I had an epiphany and I quickly shared it with her.

‘I think God brings all these awesome men in our lives to inspire us to be great but because of how we are brought up, we misunderstand it and think they’re meant to be our husbands instead, when we’re actually meant to be giants just like them.’

There was more I wanted to say, so I kept going ‘I think when we meet a man we admire, what initially attracts us to him are all the trapped & unexplored ambitions that want to be set free. We are becoming sell outs, we are doing a grave injustice to our greatness and one day we will answer to God for it. We joke that we want to marry presidents but what if we are meant to be the presidents?’

I remember her slowly nodding in agreement, allowing my undomesticated thoughts to slowly sink in and find a home on her mind as well. I don’t really recall what direction the conversation took after that. But I know it challenged me to see, imagine and think of myself beyond the boundaries that I was always kept behind.

If I saw a man teaching in a way that blessed and inspired me, I prayed to God for the same anointing, I believed what He could do in a man, He could do for me too. My prayers were humble but filled with strong conviction. I stopped seeing myself as less than to the opposite sex. I stopped asking for permission and needing their validation.

Marriage stopped being an achievement I wanted to acquire because I started becoming everything I wanted in a husband. If ever I would marry, it would be for companionship, deep love and mutual respect and not because he’s everything I want to be.

Have you become the men you wanted to marry?

Blog Title is a quote by: Gloria Stenheim

Photo by: Lonwabo Zimela

32 thoughts on “We Are Becoming The Men We Wanted To Marry!

  1. I love this! Thank you for sharing! I think my mantra for the new year is to trust myself: my ability, who I am, what I believe and want to achieve. I’ve been walking around in circles waiting for permission for far too long…


  2. β€˜I think God brings all these awesome men in our lives to inspire us to be great but because of how we are brought up, we misunderstand it and think they’re meant to be our husbands instead, when we’re actually meant to be giants just like them.”

    This just hit home!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This was a great read! I love the fact that it encourages women to be their best and not wait on a man to validate them. I share the same sentiments and I can safely say I am becoming the man I would want to marry one day at a time. I won’t be settling for a mediocre husband, he has to have the same drive and passion as I do, without that I will stay happily single πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  4. When I read the title of this blog, my thoughts ran to the negative aspects about men that we as women are slowly gravitating too, main picture being that of infidelity. But instead, you gave me a lighter, more satisfying view. Thank you

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I think that we need to start seeing ourselves as God sees, perfectly capable humans. Able to achieve things that we think are reserved for only men. As my friend Larry puts; its not behind every great man, its besides every great man there’s an equally great woman..

    OK bye!

    Liked by 1 person

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