Your Memories Should Be My Memories

Adam to Hannah: I need you to tell me if it’s real. I made a movie about what we went through, okay? And I need you to tell me if I got it right. That my memories are your memories. I want to know we felt the same things.

This is a quote from a scene in the sixth episode of season six of Girls. It’s when Adam corners Hannah in the street, in the hopes of finally persuading her to watch the movie he’s created that’s based on their messy and glorious love affair.

For the longest time, Hannah had (rightfully) refused to read the script, avoiding Adam, and not understanding his obsession with getting her to watch the movie.

It made sense to me for Hannah to not want to go beyond the imposed limitations of a breakup to give this closure that Adam so dearly ached for.

She was still nursing the heartache of their broken relationship and needing him to just leave her alone to navigate moving on without him.

But, he explains that his obsession stems from the fact that the movie is about their relationship, he wants to know if they both experienced it the same.

This moment for me in the whole series is my most favorite, and one of the best times that Adam is vulnerable and sincere. It makes me fully understand why this is a necessary step towards finality for both of them.

The relationship had been a significant part of both their lives, and Adam is admiting that he’s struggling to fully let go of what once was, without knowing if how he tells their story aligns with how Hannah would.

He seeks complete affirmation and validation of what he believes they were to each other, it’s become important to know that they were what he remembers and what he remembers is what she remembers.

With the movie, Adam is basically asking if all that he has been giving Hannah with every effort and every intimate moment is exactly what she received.

It’s an honest way of wanting to honor the transition from what once was, having the other half of the relationship declare out loud that yes it was as he’s narrated, that she was there with him, that it’s not just his version but it’s hers as well.

Their love, even with all its complexities and intricacies has always and only belonged to just the two of them. Adam needs to know that she takes ownership and easily identifies with it.

Hannah doesn’t have to hold onto this souvenir he’s created but what I am saying though is that I understand Adam and a big part of me empathizes with him. We’ve all been at closure’s door, seeking it and needing it. I think it a sensible ask.

Have you ever needed closure? Did you get it? Why was it so important to you? How did you move on without it?

Sixteen middle-aged women (one of them a mother of a friend) have been imprisoned without bail for peacefully protesting against poor service delivery.

Let’s please raise awareness as the families of these women are feeling helpless, unsure on how to best help the women who have been detained.

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